Yesterday, I drove to the Hill Country Galleria (an hour from home) to take the boys to see Elmo. Both boys fell asleep on the drive so I had a lot of time to just think. I thought about the very thought of being a Stay At Home Mom. It had already been a rough start to the day, which ended up being the same way the rest of the day.
I've had people tell me that it must be so nice to be able to stay home with my children...I can run errands any time rather than doing them all on the weekends. Well, a little eye opener...I have TWO children. Running an errand with both of them is like running a marathon and not training for it first. My children do not go to daycare at any point during the day or week so I have to be strategic about my scheduling. Post Office trips...wait till the weekend when Daddy can be home to watch them for fifteen minutes. Hair appointments...again...I have to schedule them for when I can have Daddy watch them...just a little insight into this one...I have an appointment set for next Saturday...I haven't had my hair trimmed since JULY 2011, when my mom was out here visiting. I'm going to my first dental appointment in two years on Thursday. So, errands are the most difficult and infuriating thing for me to do as a stay at home mom.
Then came the comment at one point..."I can't be a stay at home mom because I can only clean the house so many times." Ok...ummmm...my house is not clean ALL of the time. Just this past week I ran the dishwasher three times in one day to catch up on the dishes that had piled up. I hadn't vacuumed all week and the dust was thick enough to write in...which my three year old does quite lovely by the way. I have toys scattered all over the house, which my feet love finding in the worst way.
Now, I love my boys. I am beyond grateful that I have been given the chance to stay home and watch them grow up. To take them on day trips to the parks, zoos, trips across town to see Elmo, going to jumpy places, or indoor playscapes...these are all things that I would hate to have to only do on the weekends when it is painfully busy and chaotic for my two boys, let alone the parents that have to watch them.
Needless to say the day was a mess, Joshua wouldn't listen to anything I said or asked of him. Ran all over the place and what should have taken 30 minutes to have Matthew's pictures done took an hour. Matthew was fussy by the end of the session because he was tired and hungry...Joshua was screaming that he either wanted to go home or go to McDonald's. I don't think I could have gotten out of there fast enough. Then to top it all off after getting to the car and buckling the boys in...we discovered that we had lost Big Bird...a toy we had just bought that morning to replace the one lost last year while camping. Out the boys go again to retrace our steps...we did find it near the door to the store...back to the car to get buckled back in.
That night, Daddy could tell I was upset or at least pretty upset. He mentioned that he has bad days too, which made me just cry even harder...you see...I can't leave my job at my job...it is here in the house 24hrs/365days...I can't just walk in the door and leave my problems somewhere else...I have to suck it up and keep going. I'm sure I'll be fine for a long while yet. I think this is the first breakdown I have had in a year so that is saying a lot. I am a Mother and Wife...taking care of the boys and home are my job, whether I have a breakdown or not. I have to put on my brave face and keep going.
So...back to our trip to see Elmo...why do people think this would be so much fun to do at a toy store? Somehow, I managed to get in, have pictures taken, and get back out buying only two small stuffed toys for the boys.