Tuesday, September 2, 2014

For Me (and my babies)

A month ago I quit my job. I tried very hard to stay upbeat, but it felt as if I were being crushed on all fronts. My boys weren't used to being home with me. I'd lost my desire to plan meals like I did before. When I wanted to leave the house my husband wanted to stay home. I lost contact with a very dear friend, maybe for the best, I haven't wrapped my head around that one yet. But I found myself crying more than I ever should have. I had no desire to do anything. The house was a mess, the yard work non-existent.
All of the sudden the main question I was asked every single day was, "Mommy...Are you happy?" I am still asked that, but not nearly as often. I was on the brink of pretty horrible depression. I tried to find my way out, I tried getting together with other moms, I tried keeping the boys busy, I tried to just give myself one more day. Nothing helped. I didn't even want to talk to my family. I tried to get off the phone as fast as I could and still be polite. In all aspects I wasn't really prepared to be home with my children again. What was I to do?
I laced up my shoes and said "Let's Go!!!" I walked three miles every single day to and from the closest park to our home. The boys would walk or ride the stroller along side. Once I hit the park the boys would take off like little crazy boys and play at the playground. This particular park has a crushed gravel trail surrounding it. I picked up one foot and put it in front of the other and kept going until I was running. I am now on average running nearly an 11 minute mile in only four weeks. My outlook is amazing. I feel happier. I don't cry anymore. My family is happier. My husband even suggested the Austin 1/2 Marathon next Spring as a goal to put in front of me.
I realized I have to do this for me so that I can be the best wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend that I can be. I am currently running three days a week, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Tuesday and Thursday I still walk three miles and play at the park with my youngest son. I am also doing four 30 day challenges consecutively. I know it sounds like too much, but I am doing those at the park after my run or walk. The best part. Someone I hadn't seen in three weeks told me I look like I have lost weight. No not really, but everything is starting to fit looser, which says something.
I refuse to go back to where I was a couple weeks ago. I refuse to cry my eyes out and feel sick to my stomach over things I can't control or change. I am going to focus on me so that I can focus on them. 

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